Coooool Meaning

Sigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

Divorce: Future tense of marriage

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .

Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually
look forward to the trip.

퍸pportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

퍸ptimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.

Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills .

James Bond and............hahahaha

James Bond is a stylish hero you know. Whenever people ask him of his name, he answers in his own branded style - Bond, James Bond. The last year Bond came to Noakhali for a quick visit. In Noakhali Swimming Complex, he met Pasha.

Pasha asked:
Hei, what's you name?

James Bond replied:
   Bond
   James Bond

Then Bond asked Pasha the same:
   And what's yours?

Pasha replied:

Pasha

Choudhury Pasha

Rahman Choudhury Pasha

Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha

Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha

Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha

Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha

Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha

Mohammad Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha

Kalam Mohammad Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha

Abul Kalam Mohammad Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha


From that day on, whenever people ask Bond of his name, he simply replies - James bond.

*QUESTIONS THAT U CANT ANSWER(TRY IT OUT)*

1. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't see it. What is it?

2. A child is born in Boston , Massachusetts to parents who were both born in Boston , Massachusetts . The child is not a United States citizen. How is this possible?

3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?

4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war stories. Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a battalion against a German division during World War I. Through brilliant maneuvers, he defeated them and captured valuable territory. After the battle he was presented with a sword bearing the inscription "To Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring and Leadership. World War I. From the Men of Battalion "Captain Frank looked at Art and said, "You really don't expect anyone to believe that yarn, do you?"
What's wrong with the story?

6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?

7. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in the same year?
8. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills?

9. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?

10. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?

11. How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.

12. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never eat a penguin's egg. Why not?

13. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

14. In Okmulgee , Oklahoma , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

15. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for admission to the International Home Show," One of them was the father of the other's son. How could this be possible?

16. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh?

**ANSWERS**

1. A coffin.

2. The child was born before 1776.

3. Mount Everest (it just hadn't been discovered).

4. Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.

5. World War I wasn't called "World War I" until World War II.
6. The word "and".
7. They fall in the same year every year. New Year's Day just arrives very early in the year and Christmas arrives very late in the same year.

8. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.
9. Nine.
10. Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20.11. "One word" 

12. Penguins live in the Antarctic.
13. Neither. The yolk of the egg is yellow.
14. You have to take a picture of a man with a camera, not with a wooden leg.
15. They were husband and wife.
16. Meat.

Shaadi Ke Pehle Aur Baad

*Shaadi ke pehle - **Agar Tum Na Hote :( *
*Shaadi ke baad - Agar Tum Na Hote :) *
* *
* *
*Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya :)*
*Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya? :( *
* *
* *
*Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai :)*
*Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai :(*
* *

*Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai :)*
*Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha :(*
* *

*Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye :)*
*Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye :(*
* *

*Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge :)*
*Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge :(*
* *

*Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi :)*
*Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi :( *
* *

*Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap :) *
*Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap :(*
* *

*Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic :) *
*Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage :(*
* *

*Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun? :)*
*Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Kaaran :( *
* *

*Shaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss :) *
*Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss :(*
* *
* *
*Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki Rani :) *
*Shaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki Amma :( *
* *

*Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhi Kabhi :)*
*Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky :( *
* *

*Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen :)*
*Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen? :( *
* *

*Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Apke Hain :) *
*Shaadi he baad -  Hum Apke Hai Koun? :( *

JOKE : WATERMELON

 
 

 One day former US president Clinton, US vice president Dick Chenny and president Bush were on a jungle vacation together when they were caught by a tribal group. Before they were about to be executed, they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for mercy. She said, ''Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed.'' 

The three men looked at each other and agreed. They then went into the jungle to look for some food Clinton was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. The Queen tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of the grapes up Clinton’s ass. The servants did their duty, and left Clinton lying on the ground screaming. 

Dick Chenny was the next to arrive with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but curiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass. Clinton was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass howling in pain, but Chenny had several apples in his ass and he was laughing. He asked him ''What the hell are you laughing about?'' 

A laughing Chenny replied ''Bush's coming back with a watermelon.'' J 

Bored ? Read this!

The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1
Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!

Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
robin: I want 2 b a pilot.
sumon: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Rajib : I want 2 help Deepa.

Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!

Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom!

Sardar
sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his
phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

Life is too SHORT friends so ENJOY IT

no bad habits!!!!!!!!!!

Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good". The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone". As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit." Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like."

smart JOKE : SMART PROFESSOR

A grad student, a post-doc fellow, and a professor are walking through a city- park and they find an antique oil lamp.  They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless." Poof, the Genie utters! He's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional samba dancer on one side and the great alocoholic cocktail Mai Tai on the other."

Poof ! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the professor. The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after

joke : BIENG A GRADUATE STUDENT...............................

A BOY was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week."  The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.  The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do Anything* you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.  Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do *Anything* you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The boy said, "Look, I'm a graduate student. I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."

real time joke -- A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
My Dearest Reshma ,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
**********
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?
**********
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
*********
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
*********
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********
9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love, Aakash
************ *********
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format ........

Aakash ,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

**********
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... Right ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali ) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No
**********
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple . Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you

joke??? Intelligent Quotes

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would

not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were

supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live

forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

 

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I

can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all

those flies and death and stuff,"

-- Mariah Carey

 

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your

life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for

federal anti-smoking campaign.

 

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston

Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

 

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in

the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

 

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the

president," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed

documents.

 

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm

just the one to do it,"

-- A congressional candidate in Texas.

 

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.

There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were

selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."

- John Wayne

 

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager,

Danny Ozark

 

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in

our air and water that are doing it." 

-- Al Gore, Vice President

 

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

*-- Dan Quayle

 

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or

another" 

-- George Bush, US President

 

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

 

-- Lee Iacocca

 

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the

truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from

his Iran-Contra testimony.

 

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like

Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports

analyst.

 

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of

people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

 

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

-- Bill Clinton, President

 

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.

-- Al Gore, VP

 

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

-- Keppel Enderbery

 

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received

notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is

a change in your circumstances." 

 

-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

 

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go

to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next

morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

 

"If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn't have a

problem with forest fires."

--George Bush 

Joke - freezing case

At a doctors surgery one morning a patient arrives complaining of serious backache. The doctor examines him and asks him " What the hell did you do to your back?"

 

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? Today morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise . On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was still dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw at him, Thats how I strained my back" The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.

 

The doctor says "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?" He replies, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now ..Today

was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

 

The 3rd patient arrives , he looks even worse than the first two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to you?"

 

Well I was hiding in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor………….

 

 

Telling funny Tale - NEWTON's ROMANTIC Formula

U niversal L aw O f L ove:

 

 

" Love Can Neither Be Created Nor Be Destroyed; Only It Can Transfer From

One Girlfriend To Another Girlfriend With Some Loss Of Money "

 

 

 

First L aw Of  Love:

 

 

" A Boy In Love With A Girl, Continue To Be In Love With Her And A Girl

In Love With A Boy, Continue To Be In Love With Him, Until Or Unless

Any External Agent(Brother Or Father Of The Gal) Comes Into Play And

Break The Legs Of The Boy. "

 

 

Second L aw Of Love:

 

 

" The Rate Of Change Of Intensity Of Love Of A Girl Towards A Boy Is

Directly Proportional To The Instantaneous Bank Balance Of The Boy And

The Direction Of This Love Is Same To As Increment Or Decrement Of The

Bank Balance. "

 

 

Third Law Of Love:

 

 

" The Force Applied While Proposing A Girl By A Boy Is Equal And Opposite

To The Force Applied By The Girl While Slapping."

laughing gas for all except the Human Resource people

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human

 Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in  heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though,  it  seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once  had a  Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

 "No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I  have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in. "Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went  down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out  onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a  country club and standing in front of her were all her friends – fellow  executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.

 They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old   times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute)and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St.Peter waiting for her.

 "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the

 next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went

 down-down-down

 back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and  putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and  there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends

 look miserable."

 The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

 "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee.."

 

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper

Every man should get married some time; after

 all, happiness is not the

 only thing in life!!

 

   --Anonymous

 

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can

have; the older she gets

the more interested he is in her.

 

 

--Agatha Christie

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair

that some men should be

happier than others.

 

--Oscar Wilde

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

 

--Scottish Proverb

--------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for

two years.

 

--Sam Kinison

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

 

        A psychiatrist is a person who will give you

     expensive answers that your

        wife will give you for free.

 

 

        --Anonymous

 

 

 

  --------------------------------------------------------------------

 

        Bachelors know more about women than married men;

     if they didn't, they'd

     be married too.

 

 

        --H. L. Mencken

 

 

 

  --------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

        Men have a better time than women; for one thing,

     they marry  later, for another thing, they die earlier.

 

        --H. L. Mencken

 

 

 

  -------------------------------------------------------------------

        "A man without a woman is like a fish without a  bicycle."

 

 

        - U2

 

 

 

 

  -------------------------------------------------------------------

        Marriage is a three ring circus:

        --engagement ring

        ---wedding ring

        ---suffering

 

 

 

 

  -----------------------------------------------------------------

        When a newly married couple smiles, everyone

     knows why.

        When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone

     wonders why.

 

 

 

 

  -----------------------------------------------------------------

        Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

 

 

 

 

  -----------------------------------------------------------------

        When a man opens the door of his car for his

     wife, you can be sure of one

        thing: either the car is new or the wife.

 

 

 

 

  -----------------------------------------------------------------

        I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding

     her way back .

        --------------------------------------------

        I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our

        anniversary?"

        She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"

        I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

        ------------------------------------------------

        We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

        ---------------------------------

        My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.  That

        was only for the

        estimate.

        --------------------------------

        She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.

        Then the mud fell off.

        ------------------------------------------

        She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I

        too late for the garbage?"

        Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

        ---------------------------------------

        BaddTeddy recently explained to me why he refuses

        to ever get married.

        He says "the wedding rings look too much like

        minature handcuffs....."

 

 

 

 

  ----------------------------------------------------------------------

        If your dog is barking at the back door and your

     wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

        The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after

     you let him in!

 

 

 

 

  ----------------------------------------------------------------------

        A man placed some flowers on the grave of his

     dearly departed mother and

     started back toward his car when his attention

     was diverted to another man

     kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying

     with profound intensity

     and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why

     did you have to die?"

 

     The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I

     don't wish to interfere

     with

     your private grief, but this demonstration of

     pain is more than I've ever

     seen before. For whom do you mourn so

     deeply? A child? A parent?"

     The mourner took a moment to collect himself,

     then

     replied, "My wife's first husband."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

  A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband

  leaned over, made a wish

   and

   threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a

  wish, too. But she leaned

 over

  too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The

  husband was stunned for a

while but then smiled "It really works!"

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  Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he

   loves. After marriage, the

"y" becomes silent.